Let's Talk About the Fashions of Britney Spears
17 years of abs and Uggs. Oh, and fedoras. All the fedoras.
Has it really been 17 years since 'Baby One More Time' ruled the airwaves and Britney and her braids and insouciant schoolgirl charm danced its Nigel Dicked-choreographed way into our hearts? As the most quintessentially American of pop stars, it is no surprise that Spears' fashion choices reflect a life of high highs, low lows and an dizzying assortment of hair extensions. We anticipate with great eagerness her Sunday appearance at the VMAs and pay tribute to her long, visually compelling career.
In 1999 at the Z100 Zoo Topia concert
The baby blue signifies "I'm innocent." The bare midriff signifies ""I'm not-that-innocent." At 18, Britney Jean Spears of Kentwood, Louisiana seemed poised and excited to take America on a fascinating journey.
2001
Only three years later, Britney was so famous that she could dress like Steve Irwin going on a blind date and get away with it.
In 2001 at the VMAs
The Britney Spears Guide to Flawless Event Dressing as the Most Famous Person Alive, at this Time: 1) Put on a bikini. 2) Wrap self in tight lace fabric of matching shade. 3) Wear weird prom shoes. 4) Lots of makeup, on entire face. 5) Have such a good body and be so cute and also seem like you would kind of rather be home watching Fear Factor.
At the 2001 American Music Awards with Justin Timberlake
Does anything epitomize the naive tone of life in America pre-9/11 better than Britney and Justin 1) being a couple 2) wearing matching denim outfits to the American Music Awards? The answer to that question is "No."
In 2003, Performing on MTV's 'TRL'
There are so many awesome things about this top but the most awesome thing is that during this era, every single wife of every single Hollywood studio head wore a "duster" version of it while working in the knitting store she'd just opened.
Shopping with mom Lynne Spears in 2004
How happy does it make you that Britney's brand new pom-pom hat from Barneys New York once made her this happy?
With Kevin Federline 2004
"So, fedoras, eh?"
In South Beach in 2006
Yup, fedoras. And everyone knows a fedora goes best with items from Loehmann's "Better Scarves" rack, held precariously together with strips of snake hide.
In 2007, leaving court after a custody hearing
Sometimes the only fashion moves you need are a brown wig, sunglasses, and a cigarette.
At the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards
Without quite coming out and saying "I dgaf about the VMAs this year" Britney lets her wad of gum speak for her.
2008 With Karl Lagerfeld
"Now that you're feeling better, darling, I hope you're remember to stay away from the Loehmann's scarf rack." Afterward, one likes to imagine that the two shared a Coke Zero and Lagerfeld pleaded with her to upgrade from Pantene. (I interviewed Britney in 2012 and that is what she said she used!)
2009
Nothing says "I'm not a girl, and well, I guess I'm now a woman, and ready to conduct myself like a responsible global brand," quite like a belted coat, a pair of glasses, and a dignified, yet feminine, scarf. One likes to imagine that Britney watched Klute in a hotel room on a Sunday afternoon and decided this was her version of Bree Daniels.
In LA in 2009
Any woman who pulls off abs and pink Uggs should be allowed to totally quit life forever. But Britney keeps going for us, and we thank her.
2013, about to start her residency in Vegas at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
If there was a slightly better version of Chico's called Chicaux's, that's where I would guess Britney got this dress.
2014
Blazer, check, pageboy, check, #attitudeofgratitude, check! Just another working Vegas mom! Do she and Celine and Mariah get together after their shows and say "Let's not talk about our kids!" and then do it anyway and then laugh and spill Kistler Chardonnay all over each other?
In LA, 2015
Next time some hater tries to tell you Britney is "over" show her this picture of Britney. Also, when was the last time you saw a famous woman drinking a Coke? With a straw no less. Perfection.
At the 2015 VMAs
We don't know what she'll wear at this year's VMAs, but at last year's, Britney kept everyone abreast of the situation.
At the 2016 Billboard awards
When all is said and done, Britney's at her best in something sparkly and tiny, with lots of hair, lots of eye makeup, and a neutral lipstick.
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